by Erik P.
Desperate destitute and downright miserable I sought a journey to the lost world of serenity lying dormant deep inside myself.
A man in blue with warm eyes (Paul) leads me to a medicine woman who infuses mw with various elixirs to ease the tumultuousness of the long journey that lay ahead of me.
Upon arriving to my window less “Room with a view” I notice that there is another sailor in the room.
He lay perfectly still with hands folded almost religiously. He looks awe-struck with mount hanging wide open. I half expect him to begin chanting or speaking in tongues. Instead he snored like a half dead goat.
Soon several very ordinary looking iboga capsules arrived. Incredible that something so apparently miniscule could yield such honest healing power. Incredible also that something so apparently minuscule as a crack rock could yield such destructive power.
The seas were calm for some time.
Suddenly a warm pulsating energy began raging up and down my spine. Like a freight train of pulsating warmth it penetrated my bones through and through.
I thought to my self: “My God, this plant is more powerful than anything else LSD. Psilocybin and mescaline are the children of mother Iboga”.
Little did I know at the time, but those were just ripples in the tidal wave I was about to ride.
A continuous slideshow of images high jacked my visual field coming fast and furious, some images were vaguely familiar, and others unrecognizable, while some others were indisputable patchworks of my past and perhaps future.
A graying, frail 40 something man appeared. Weeping alone in a barred dump apartment he contemplates taking his own life. Parents gone and abandoned by friends’ emptiness filled him. He is infected with the parasitic black hole of addiction. I experience the coldness and cave darkness of death.
I zoom in. my God, no please no. it’s me; but only if I choose that path.
BAD Television! Change the channel. Shut the damn thing off. But even though I succeed in changing slides, the vision returns only disappearing with acceptance.
Surrender, acceptance then only healing, and ultimately spontaneous right decision.
My mind next visited an amusement park. So loud, so bright, so many different vides. Zooming in it becomes clear that there was only ride that I was supposed to see. A huge carousel appears. The name “Holistic Carousel” flashes in blue and white neon lights. A burly guy with a big smile and a big heart, John Giordano operates the machinery. I understand that his apparent blustering overconfidence. He is in touch with them and himself.
Whoosh! The Holistic carousel is in motion round and round it goes until a foolish passenger demands exit and then vanishes into thin air.
Next a nicotine craving comes on I experience the microstructure of the craving. Blood rushes towards the middle of my lower lip. I can still point exactly to the spot. A tingling sensation washes oven that region. The warm energy appears to be trying to heal that area. Later I attempt to smoke 2 cigs and almost pass out as my body temperature soars and sweat pours down my face.
When concentration returns I find myself in outer space with starts all around. I feel safe here. Calm, this is a family image that has emerged in other journeys across others substances and others “set and setting”
After what seems like at most 1 hour, but in fact was 6 full hours, the Technicolor, paramount pictures slideshow fades.
I begin introducing personal topics and gain fresh insights.
It dawns on me for example that my father is really good with cats, and I’ve never given him enough credit
That my mother is a genius and that I feel so much better when I’m not wearing shoes.
I build up some bravery and start introducing past relationships. I experience all of the grief anger and finally, finally some acceptance emerges.
Looking for a lighter topic after all that, I focus on the cat I grew up with as a boy and come to understand how he felt when the new kitten was bought, into the house. He felt cheated and alone. I can feel his hair raise as the new kitten sits in his favorite chair. I remove my goggles certain that the hairs on mi body are now raised. As I still have that image in my mind. But of course they are not.
As the journey nears the end I venture outside and become instantly overwhelmed by the beauty of the night sky, I see colors differently now. One might call it color consistency or “cartoon-colors”. Images look smoother and shaper and certain images (like the night sky) elicit warm emotions like love.
I am filled with an overwhelming feeling of love for all living things.